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[helluva_pilot]

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[forcesensitive]

"No, no, but--it's allowed? At all? Not just when you get invalidated out and have to retire?"

The First Order is not exactly permissive of such things. They happened - there's no stopping that - but they put a damper on it as much as humanly possible.

[helluva_pilot]

"Not like you're going to be able to stop people, right?" Poe says. "Stressful situations, people need emotional support. And physical support. And yeah. To feel okay and normal, if nothing else. And then there's the long stretches of boredom..." He shrugs. "You're just supposed to keep it out of your unit since that can get messy on deployment."

[forcesensitive]

Finn shakes his head. Emotional support? Feeling normal? It was certainly no solution to boredom he'd ever heard the First Order propose.

"People can be stopped," he says slowly. "And if you do well enough in exercises after, they take you off the drugs 'cause they're too expensive to dose everyone all the time. Too many strikes and you get a more permanent solution." No one he'd ever known personally, but word had it three of the FCs had been caught out and punished not long ago.

[helluva_pilot]

He stares at Finn for a moment, trying to make sense of that. No, he doesn't want to make sense of that. Then he tosses his reader down, gets up, and walks a lap around the galley space. That urge to punch something is back in force.

Yeah, well, what did he expect out of an organization that runs on torture? That's commanded by an evil murderer whose fingers he can still feel dragging through his brain? Stupid, Poe, really stupid.

And even more stupid, because him having a fit of temper isn't going to make Finn feel any better. He stops. He makes himself take a deep breath. And he says, trying to find his cheerier equilibrium again, "Yeah, well you're not there any more."

[forcesensitive]

Finn is taken aback by Poe's hostility for a moment, but only long enough to realize the anger isn't directed at him. No, Poe's mad for him, and that's unexpected in an entirely different way. It makes him feel...well, he didn't think he could feel better about his friend, because he already likes Poe a lot, but--it solidifies the feeling, maybe.

"No. No, I'm not." He taps the text display thoughtfully. "So that's why you had those toys in your room."

--He just said that out loud, didn't he. Oops.

[helluva_pilot]

Well, that's another left turn for this conversation to take. Poe stares in disbelief for a moment; he has a much easier time doing sudden directional changes in combat, thanks. Because this leads to a lot of questions:

1) How does Finn even know about this?
2) Does Finn mean in the general sense?
3) Or does he mean specifically for Finn?
4) And that option is incredibly messed up. Not even a question, just a thought.

With all that colliding in his brain, the best he can manage is: "...what?"

[forcesensitive]

"Oh, shit." Guess he did say that out loud. "Uh, when I was looking for your pajamas. Uh. BB-8 told me the wrong drawer."

(Hey! You keep your pajamas in there most of the time! But this time they were in the clean laundry pile instead.) BB-8 chirps defensively.

"It is too your fault!" Finn hisses at the droid.

[helluva_pilot]

Of course BB-8 did that. Of course. Poe is struck by the sudden and impossible urge to strangle something that doesn't actually have a neck. He knows it's a temporary surge of irritation, but this is all too much. He's generally not a guy embarrassed by his sexuality or expression thereof, but it's still one hell of a line getting crossed when it ends up with someone rooting through his sex toys at the behest of his droid. That it's someone he has a crush on and doesn't know how to approach is just the cherry on a crap sundae.

There's a long stare at Finn and BB-8. Then Poe says, "You guys feel free to argue about whose fault anything is. I'm going to go check our course."

Yes, this is him running away. Strategic retreat. Same thing.

[forcesensitive]

(No you don't, we're still on autopilot for at least five more hours.) But, not wanting to press its luck, BB-8 rolls off. (I know, I know, someone has to empty the garbage compactor.)

Leaving poor Finn all alone to think about what exactly just happened.

He should have apologized to Poe for letting that slip. For seeing that in the first place. Well, he'll apologize when Poe comes back. It's a small ship.

That's enough manual reading for now, though, so he peeks at the mystery Poe was reading, and before long he's totally engrossed.

[helluva_pilot]

Poe resolutely ignores BB-8, because he is not going to get in a nitpicking fight with a droid. That's a sure way to lose. He doesn't need to check the course. But he wants to and is going to.

He stays up in the cockpit a lot longer than necessary while he tries to figure out just what to do. Nothing seems to be the winning option. Just pretend that there was no awkward conversation and he didn't just run off to hide in the cockpit. Fresh start. Move on. Two friends going on leave together, it should not be this complicated.

Okay, so that's settled. Everything is fine.

He heads back to the galley to find Finn reading his book. And apparently enjoying it. And since he's pretending the last twenty minutes didn't happen, he's just going to enjoy that for what it is. "If you like those, I've got the whole rest of the series."

[forcesensitive]

"Yeah, I like it. Her droid is the one that does all the legwork, though." But he puts the reader down, because no matter what Poe said about sharing reading material it's still looking at this stuff, and that's part of the problem, isn't it?

"Look, Poe, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry. I wasn't thinking straight. I won't bring it up again, okay?"

[helluva_pilot]

"Yeah, that's kind of the ongoing joke of the series. They make a good team, though."

Maybe he should have told Finn that they were pretending that never happened. Oh well, at least it's just an apology and not something incalculably worse. "It's okay, I'm not mad." Mostly. Much. And more at BB-8 than Finn. He almost says, thanks, it's not really appropriate conversation, but stops himself. Because he has to remind himself that Finn is new at a lot of this. He doesn't know what's appropriate or not, and he needs to have someone it's safe to talk to. And come on, he'd taken the guy to a porn shop. The door had kind of already been opened.

Even if this particular topic is going to be tough on Poe since... yeah. That stupid Dameron heart. Okay.

He slides into the seat across from Finn, elbows leaned on the table, hands folded in front of him. "No, it's fine. I shouldn't have gotten my hair in a twist. I get a lot of stuff is really different here. And you shouldn't be afraid to ask me questions or feel bad if you do. I promise I'll be less of a jerk about it."

Being kind to someone who needs it is way more important than momentary awkwardness or a tiny crack at his pride.

[forcesensitive]

Finn grins just a tiny bit, quickly squashed. Maybe Poe's not mad now, but he sure had been after Finn had explained the consequences of breaking Rule #523.

"It's really different," he admits. "But that's why I'm trying to learn." When Poe sits, Finn reaches out a hand to cover up one of his. "I'm not afraid of you, Poe. Not like that." And the grin comes back. "Now, if I was flying on the other side from you, different story. But you've been a good friend to me."

[helluva_pilot]

He can't really help it, the way his heart kind of squeezes a little at that gesture, or the way he covers Finn's hand with his other hand.

Doesn't mean anything specific. Just means you're good friends, he reminds himself firmly.

"Okay, that's good. You ask whatever you need to, whenever you need to, okay?" He huffs a little sigh. "And maybe tell me if BB-8's trying to get you to dig through my stuff. It knows better."

[forcesensitive]

As always, Finn finds physical contact with Poe reassuring. Maybe it's because his friend radiates goodwill, that something feels right about Poe, the way it feels right about Rey and the General and a couple others in the Resistance, a feeling he'd not once ever had about anyone in the First Order.

"I will, Poe." And his eyes flash with amusement. "Never met a droid with a sense of humor before. BB-8 means well. I think."

[helluva_pilot]

"There's more than you'd think around. Most of the droids don't get wiped regularly." Because why would they? "Means they get to have personality."

[forcesensitive]

Finn nods, not changing his grip at all. "Even if it means they poke into things they wouldn't otherwise. I bet BB-8 would jump to save you when a wiped droid wouldn't see the need."

Because BB is a loyal little droid. So what if that means exposing Finn to Poe's underwear drawer? It had also led to recognizing Finn's jacket and helped him meet Rey.

[helluva_pilot]

"It would if I didn't try to stop it," Poe says. He's had to urge BB-8 to run before while Poe covers him; the droid isn't meant to be a soldier.

Yep, just to friends, holding hands, platonically. Life is strange, but this isn't bad.

"I'm lucky to have BB-8." Be honest, Poe. "Most of the time." But he's smiling when he says it.

[forcesensitive]

Finn raises an eyebrow, grinning again. "You really think it's luck that a droid who spends most of its time around you ends up being smart and loyal and good-hearted? You think that's not directly because of you?"

[helluva_pilot]

Eyebrows go up at that one. "I try not to take credit for other people's successes," he says wryly. "Being an officer means I have to try to be a good example for everybody, I guess."

[forcesensitive]

Uh huh. And it's not that he's an officer because he's a good example for others to follow. Finn has your number now, Poe Dameron.

"Even when you're one-on-one in an astromech ship?"

[helluva_pilot]

Poe is not quite sure what Finn's getting at, here. He's an okay guy, he does his job, he's a pretty good officer if he's being honest. So what?

"You don't stop being good just cause no one's watching. Or just because it's only a droid watching."

[forcesensitive]

"You do if it's an act. If you're not sincere about it. Poe, I know I can ask you anything and you won't get mad. Or if you do, it's not--you're not mad at me."

And that's what means the most to him, but it's hard to put into words. He purses his lips. "I never had anyone mad for me before."

[helluva_pilot]

"Of course it's not an act..." Complimented, but confused. Not a bad place to be, considering the options. But... ah, that makes more sense. "That's what friends are supposed to do Finn." He squeezes the man's hand lightly.

[forcesensitive]

"Doesn't mean I don't appreciate it." More people should have friends like Poe (or Rey or BB-8 for that matter).

He squeezes Poe's hand back and then finally lets go. "Well. I got some more reading to catch up on." Not to mention thinking; this discussion has been one hell of a food for thought moment.