"You do if it's an act. If you're not sincere about it. Poe, I know I can ask you anything and you won't get mad. Or if you do, it's not--you're not mad at me."
And that's what means the most to him, but it's hard to put into words. He purses his lips. "I never had anyone mad for me before."
"Of course it's not an act..." Complimented, but confused. Not a bad place to be, considering the options. But... ah, that makes more sense. "That's what friends are supposed to do Finn." He squeezes the man's hand lightly.
"Doesn't mean I don't appreciate it." More people should have friends like Poe (or Rey or BB-8 for that matter).
He squeezes Poe's hand back and then finally lets go. "Well. I got some more reading to catch up on." Not to mention thinking; this discussion has been one hell of a food for thought moment.
Poe nods. He can't blame Finn if he wants some time alone; this was a little heavier than he intended, and he could just kick himself for it. But he gives Finn that same warm smile anyway. "I'll go read in my bunk, but I'll leave my door open."
Finn spends the next couple hours in his own bunk, door closed, though when BB-8 eventually makes a worried inquiry he pokes a dishevelled head out. "Hey, BB-8. I'll be out in six minutes."
Which is apparently exactly how long it takes him to shower and dress in clean clothes, and he pokes around for Poe once he's out. "Sorry about that. I fell asleep."
Poe reads a bit more, but then takes the opportunity to go to the empty cargo bay and do calisthenics. He doesn't want to get too out of shape over leave.
By the time Finn's up and about, though, he's back at the galley, cooling off while he reads. His hair's damp with sweat and he's stripped down to his undershirt, feet up on the bench across from him. When Finn comes out, he looks up. "No problem. You're on leave. Sleep however much you want."
For once, Finn doesn't instantly quash his observation that Poe looks good like that. The undershirt is tight and Poe's hair looks even curlier when it's damp.
Funny, that was exactly the base doctor's recommendation for him, too. Still, he looks a little sheepish - he didn't want Poe to think he was mad at him or anything. "Better to get some sleep now than when we get there. Is it much longer? Not that I mind," he adds quickly.
Poe grins, setting his reader down. "It's going to be a few more days, buddy. Sorry, I know you're eager to get out on the beach." Well, he doesn't know that, but he can tease him about it.
Now that he's not engrossed in his mystery any more, he stretches his arms. "You hungry or something?" Finn's always hungry.
"I'm always hungry," he admits. Good thing there are plenty of supplies; he doesn't mind plain food at all. "You want me to make you anything? Some of that blue drink?" Make in this case meaning add water and heat until done, because that's the extent of his cooking skills, but ship rations don't require much more than that anyway. And the drink machine reminds him of the one on base with several brightly-colored electrolyte mixes.
For himself, he chooses one of the basic meals, sweet-and-sour sauce over protein cubes served with fluffed grain and a tall glass of orange drink.
"Makes it an easy question to ask." Kind of that conversational fluff that just makes things easier for everyone, since the answers are already know.
He can get his own drink, but he knows that making something for someone else is part of a good give and take. "Sure," he says. "My electrolytes could probably use some replacing."
He keeps an eye on Finn as he does the simple meal prep rather than looking back at his reader. "I'll clear out to go take a shower pretty soon."
Finn brings the chilled drinks over as his meal is heating then makes a second trip for his plate. "As long as you don't smell worse than swamp water there's no rush." Sweat? Sweat is downright pleasant next to some environments he's been in. Still, it feels good to shower off after exertion, so he can appreciate that.
He settles himself next to Poe, stretching out similarly. "So you got any more of those Miss Marplee books? They're not bad." He hasn't finished all his reading material yet, but Finn is getting pretty close and he doesn't want to run out before they even get there.
Poe takes the drink and starts off with a long sip. He should have gotten himself some of that, he decides. It's just what he needed. "You're the judge of that," he says. It's not like you notice how bad your own stink is until it's nose-burning.
"Oh, so you really like 'em? I've got... pretty much the whole series with me. They're fun to just re-read." Gives you something to do without being mentally taxing, which is sometimes just what he needs.
"It takes more than that to put me off my food." Which he demonstrates by digging in, though at a relaxed 'snacking' pace rather than his usual 'slow down son, you're gonna choke' method. Finn's put on some weight since he woke up, but it's entirely muscle; even on the freighter he doesn't neglect his exercise or training routines.
"Yeah! Figure I might as well give them a shot." Now that he's got some downtime, he might as well see what Poe likes. After all, they're friends, and it will give them something else to talk about with each other.
"It's one of those series where you can really start wherever you want. Very episodic," Poe says. "But I did bring the whole beginning part so you can start there if you want. My dad got me in to those books." The silly mysteries had been something that his dad has started reading to him, a way for them to deal with mom's death.
Finn nods. "No reason not to start at the beginning, if you have it." And besides, he likes the mental image of Poe's dad (who looks just like an older Poe with Solo's jacket in his mind) reading novels with his kid.
Besides, it'll be nice to read a narrative that doesn't end with and then all their problems were solved when they joined the First Order. Finn's read an awful lot of propaganda in his time, and he's smart enough to recognize it now that he's been exposed to some other media.
He finishes up his snack and takes a drink. "Do you have a lot of stuff like that? Things you grew up with, I mean."
"Sort of," Poe says. "I mean... I'm the guy my parents made me in to, you could say. My mom taught me to fly. My dad taught me... Everything else. It's all memories. Mostly really good memories. I can't carry around a lot of stuff. You know how that goes."
He grins, nudging Finn's foot with his. "Your jacket used to belong to my dad. He gave it to me the day I left home to join the New Republic Navy."
"It did?" Is that a silly grin Finn's getting on his face? He touches the jacket again with his free hand, as if to remind himself of its solidity. Poe had been perfectly clear that he wanted Finn to keep it, but it's--the first real object he's ever owned with any kind of history, really, and knowing it had been a gift before makes it even more special to him. "Then I'm extra glad you got Kare to fix it!"
In the absence of any remembered parents, Finn had tried to become the person the First Order had wanted him to be - it was the only thing he knew - but that had failed pretty miserably. He knows that, in so many ways, he's still learning, and he's glad to have Poe helping him out.
"It took really good care of him, and it took good care of me, so I think that jacket ought to take good care of you too." Really, Finn gets to wear it more often than him these days anyway, so it's got a good home.
"Memories are an important thing. Hopefully you get to make some good ones now, right?" Another little nudge. "But they're not the only thing. You must've been born with a good heart or you wouldn't have saved my ass back at Jakku."
"Thanks, Poe. I mean it." Yes, he's already thanked Poe numerous times for the jacket, but that was before he knew it was a gift from his father. Maybe--maybe he can find Poe something to wear when he has a chance to shop. Until then, Finn knows the best thing he can do is take care of Poe should he need it.
Finn looks down, still smiling. He'd told Poe the truth at the time - that it was the right thing to do - and even if it was a little bit selfish, he knows now that it really had been the right thing to do. "It felt right, you know? Like I was supposed to."
"I know." It's easy to tell when Finn's being honest; he's a genuine kind of guy, one of those things Poe likes about him so much.
He smiles crookedly. "That's what the right thing to do is supposed to feel like, right? Except sometimes the right thing is the hard thing, so.... Who knows. That's for people above my pay grade to argue." He does what he thinks is right, what feels right, so it makes sense to him. That's how he ended up here.
Finn is quiet for a moment, clearly pondering what Poe says. Sometimes the right thing is the hard thing. Like leaving the only life he'd ever known? Walking across the desert instead of giving up? Going back to Starkiller Base? Staying to fight Kylo Ren? None of those were the easy choice, and every one of them was right.
"If everyone did what was easy," he says finally, "the First Order would have already won."
"That's what I figure." Poe takes another swig of his drink. "And my dad always told me, whatever you commit to, you do it with everything you've got. That's how he lives, too. So you commit to doing the right thing, you never stop. And that sure seems like what you've been doing."
"I think I'd like your dad." He sure likes Poe, and if he really did learn everything he knows (except flying) from his dad, it's the kind of morals that make Poe the hero he is. The kind of loyalty Poe has from his friends--his squadmates, even his droid--isn't the kind of thing that develops half-heartedly.
So Finn nods. "I want to. I want to do the right thing, Poe. Even when it means standing up to what scares me, because if I don't I'm no better than the Stormtrooper I used to be."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"Even when you're one-on-one in an astromech ship?"
no subject
"You don't stop being good just cause no one's watching. Or just because it's only a droid watching."
no subject
And that's what means the most to him, but it's hard to put into words. He purses his lips. "I never had anyone mad for me before."
no subject
no subject
He squeezes Poe's hand back and then finally lets go. "Well. I got some more reading to catch up on." Not to mention thinking; this discussion has been one hell of a food for thought moment.
no subject
If you need me for anything.
You know. Other than being grouchy at you.
He slides out of his seat and heads for his room.
no subject
Finn spends the next couple hours in his own bunk, door closed, though when BB-8 eventually makes a worried inquiry he pokes a dishevelled head out. "Hey, BB-8. I'll be out in six minutes."
Which is apparently exactly how long it takes him to shower and dress in clean clothes, and he pokes around for Poe once he's out. "Sorry about that. I fell asleep."
no subject
By the time Finn's up and about, though, he's back at the galley, cooling off while he reads. His hair's damp with sweat and he's stripped down to his undershirt, feet up on the bench across from him. When Finn comes out, he looks up. "No problem. You're on leave. Sleep however much you want."
no subject
Funny, that was exactly the base doctor's recommendation for him, too. Still, he looks a little sheepish - he didn't want Poe to think he was mad at him or anything. "Better to get some sleep now than when we get there. Is it much longer? Not that I mind," he adds quickly.
no subject
Now that he's not engrossed in his mystery any more, he stretches his arms. "You hungry or something?" Finn's always hungry.
no subject
For himself, he chooses one of the basic meals, sweet-and-sour sauce over protein cubes served with fluffed grain and a tall glass of orange drink.
no subject
He can get his own drink, but he knows that making something for someone else is part of a good give and take. "Sure," he says. "My electrolytes could probably use some replacing."
He keeps an eye on Finn as he does the simple meal prep rather than looking back at his reader. "I'll clear out to go take a shower pretty soon."
no subject
He settles himself next to Poe, stretching out similarly. "So you got any more of those Miss Marplee books? They're not bad." He hasn't finished all his reading material yet, but Finn is getting pretty close and he doesn't want to run out before they even get there.
no subject
"Oh, so you really like 'em? I've got... pretty much the whole series with me. They're fun to just re-read." Gives you something to do without being mentally taxing, which is sometimes just what he needs.
no subject
"Yeah! Figure I might as well give them a shot." Now that he's got some downtime, he might as well see what Poe likes. After all, they're friends, and it will give them something else to talk about with each other.
no subject
no subject
Besides, it'll be nice to read a narrative that doesn't end with and then all their problems were solved when they joined the First Order. Finn's read an awful lot of propaganda in his time, and he's smart enough to recognize it now that he's been exposed to some other media.
He finishes up his snack and takes a drink. "Do you have a lot of stuff like that? Things you grew up with, I mean."
no subject
He grins, nudging Finn's foot with his. "Your jacket used to belong to my dad. He gave it to me the day I left home to join the New Republic Navy."
no subject
In the absence of any remembered parents, Finn had tried to become the person the First Order had wanted him to be - it was the only thing he knew - but that had failed pretty miserably. He knows that, in so many ways, he's still learning, and he's glad to have Poe helping him out.
no subject
"Memories are an important thing. Hopefully you get to make some good ones now, right?" Another little nudge. "But they're not the only thing. You must've been born with a good heart or you wouldn't have saved my ass back at Jakku."
no subject
Finn looks down, still smiling. He'd told Poe the truth at the time - that it was the right thing to do - and even if it was a little bit selfish, he knows now that it really had been the right thing to do. "It felt right, you know? Like I was supposed to."
no subject
He smiles crookedly. "That's what the right thing to do is supposed to feel like, right? Except sometimes the right thing is the hard thing, so.... Who knows. That's for people above my pay grade to argue." He does what he thinks is right, what feels right, so it makes sense to him. That's how he ended up here.
no subject
"If everyone did what was easy," he says finally, "the First Order would have already won."
no subject
no subject
So Finn nods. "I want to. I want to do the right thing, Poe. Even when it means standing up to what scares me, because if I don't I'm no better than the Stormtrooper I used to be."
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)