helluva_pilot | Drift Fleet Inbox

[Everything Poe is saying is true. An officer without the power of his troops is far less of a threat, and the thing he likes about the Fleet is that they base their opinions on people by what they do while they're here, not what they did while they were at home.

And yet, even moreso than Kylo Ren or Leader Snoke, Hux is the one whose face was on the holos every day extolling the virtues of the First Order. To Stormtroopers, he is face of everything they represent.

So Finn nods, but he still looks unsure as hell.]

I'll ask Ahsoka to come over. If she's back to being older, I owe her another practice session anyway. You told General Kenobi, right? That I was First Order?

Yeah, I did. [He didn't know it was supposed to be some kind of secret.] You should be proud of what you've done, Finn.

[Poe's said things like that before, but Finn never feels right about it.]

But I don't, Poe. I don't feel proud that I was a Stormtrooper. I was the top of my class, did I ever tell you that? That I was considered very promising and exemplary and that I had great potential for killing innocent people.

[He crosses his arms.]

How much of that great potential did you end up meeting before you ran for it, hot shot?

[Finn frowns, not sure where Poe's going with this.]

None of it. The village was my first battle. I--I lied and said my blaster was jammed because I couldn't shoot anyone.

I get that you feel bad you were on the wrong side, Finn. But the point is that you got yourself out of there. I can guarantee that no one is going to give a crap about what you might have done. They're just going to care about what you actually did. Which was, technically, flushing a promising career out of the airlock and risking execution so you could save a dirty spy from prison and escape with him.

[Well, yes. But also no. If Hux didn't care, he wouldn't be in this pickle.]

Why should anyone trust me to do anything when I'm a traitor?

Why should anyone trust you if you were loyal to the side that thinks blowing up multiple planets is all right?

[Finn clenches a fist.]

Because I lied about it, okay? I never told anyone here I was from the First Order. I didn't want them to know that was the only life I ever had. So I said I was part of a trade fleet and we moved around so much I never had most of the things people took for granted. Not because I was raised with a number instead of a name.

[Your killin' him, Smalls.]

Then you got a choice. Either you tell everyone the truth, or you let Hux tell everyone the truth. I think if you explain the reason you lied, most everyone will understand. Especially with Hux showing up and looking like he's sucking on a turd.

[Finn's expression isn't much better right now, gritting his teeth.]

Because being a liar and a traitor is better than just one of those.

I thought I could--that this was a second chance. That I could get away. But it's never going to stop following me, is it?

[Finn, you are starting to wear out even Poe's patience a little with this traitor nonsense.]

A traitor to a bunch of goddamn mass murderers. Pfassk, Finn, would you listen to yourself for a minute? How the hell is loyalty a virtue when it's used for that?

[Maybe if the First Order would shut up about it....]

Look, Poe, I know they're awful. I know that as much as anyone and better than most. But all my life, the only thing that mattered was loyalty. That's it. That's what everything was measured by. That's the only virtue anyone could have.

And you've got a new life now. And a whole lot of other virtues to have, and there ain't anything wrong with loyalty if it's aimed at people who aren't going to treat you like you're nothing but a tool.

[He grabs Finn's shoulder and gives it a firm shake.]

You have a lot of friends who haven't even heard of the First Order, let along had all that Bantha dung shoveled into their heads all their lives. So you keep calling yourself a traitor, but put yourself in my shoes for a minute. Or Pinkie's. Or the captain's. Hell, put yourself in General Kenobi's shoes, he already knows you were a stormtrooper. Do you think any one of us gives the tiniest piece of poodoo what Hux thinks? Do you really think we see you as anyone other than a guy who had the strength to turn against all the lies he'd been fed for his entire life and still manage to do what was morally right?

[The shake doesn't touch off his combat instincts; on some level, he knows he needs it. He also doesn't interrupt during Poe's speech, though he gets visibly more miserable by the end of it.

If it was that easy to accept, he wouldn't have always tried to redirect when Poe called him brave, or a hero.]

Poe, the only people I ever knew always accepted everything he said without question. What the hell am I supposed to think?

You're supposed to look around and see you aren't there any more. I know it can't be easy, buddy, but stuff has changed. And it's changed because you made a good choice. So you gotta find a way of seeing what's different in this new life, and take it in. I don't know how else to say it.

[Finn runs his hands through his hair, still visibly frustrated and upset. Intellectually, he knows Poe is right - this is a new life, and everything is different than it was at home. But emotionally, being caught unawares by the appearance of such a domineering, visible symbol of everything he'd hope to leave behind is impossible to just disregard.]

I can't just pretend things are going to be the same, though. Not with the First Order looking for me again.

The First Order ain't looking for you again, not here. Hux is. Maybe. By himself. He's got no one to order around. He's got no one doing his dirty work. He's got no friends. And I really doubt he's going to make many. [Because he is what is technically known as "a giant asshole."]

Edited 2016-06-14 00:57 (UTC)

[Or, as they say in Latin, Buttholius humongo.]

That's--that's just what I'm saying, though. He's a symbol, Poe. I can't just look at him and not see that.

You gotta try. Because he doesn't deserve to have that kind of control over you.

Every time you see him, maybe just take a step into my shoes, or Ahsoka's. Because we don't see a symbol. We see a bully, a murderer, and a gigantic sarlacc anus with red hair.

[Finn blinks. The mental image is almost enough to break him out of his mood.]

I don't think a sarlacc has an anus.

[And then he sighs.]

Okay. Okay, I'll try.

If a sarlacc did have an anus, it would look exactly like Hux, when his face is all... [Hand gesture indicating squished up.] You know. When he looks like he smells something bad and has to take a dump at the same time.

You know. How he always looks.

[He gives Finn's shoulder a reassuring squeeze.] That's all you can do. Try.

That's how he always--yeah. [Finn bites his lip and attempts a smile, even if it's weak.]

...I kinda freaked out there, didn't I?

That's better. [He gives Finn's shoulder a much gentler shake.]

You did, a little. But I don't blame you. It can't be easy.

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